No F's Given

6 Signs that You Value the Opinions of Others Too Much

On today’s agenda: Make it a point to fit in and be liked by everyone I come in contact with, even if it means giving up a part of myself in the process. Should someone not accept me, I will crawl into a hole of despair and make a list of the reasons why I’m so worthless.

Maybe that’s exaggerating just a bit – however, if you’ve ever struggled with constant worry about what someone else thinks, it’s kinda sorta the process you go through every single day.

You can’t possibly be true to yourself if you’re so pre-occupied with what other people think. It’s not a good situation to find yourself in and yet, SO many people do.

If you can relate to any of this, you just might be one of those people.

Here’s a list of the most common signs that you may hold the opinions of other’s way too dear to your heart 🙂

You Want to Be Liked by Everyone

You want others to like and accept you so badly that you sometimes stray far away from who you truly are just to fit in. By doing this, you’re not living an authentic, genuine life and, in turn, end up feeling lonely and miserable anyway. By attempting to do and be what everyone else wants, you are cheating yourself from what YOU really want. Quit worrying so much about fitting in. If someone doesn’t like you that’s their problem and their loss. Not yours. Not everyone is going to like you. The good news? That has nothing to do with you. Once you get clear on who you are and feel comfortable just being you, the people that are meant to be in your circle (those ones that really matter) will eventually gravitate towards you.

You Find It Impossible to say No. 

No is a word that is rarely in your vocabulary. You feel almost obligated to help someone anytime they ask for a favor, no matter how it affects your schedule or other aspect of your life. You don’t want to let them down or hurt their feelings for fear that they will be mad at you or worse – maybe they won’t like you anymore (Say it ain’t so!). You tend to put everyone else first and place your own needs on the back burner. This is something I still struggle with from time to time although it does get much easier with time and practice. It’s hard to say no but it’s much harder knowing your life will never be your own if you don’t occasionally assert yourself and set some healthy boundaries.

You Worry About What You Say 

You constantly overanalyze and worry about what you say to others. Maybe you said something in the wrong tone or somebody thought you were being rude or you said something that didn’t quite make sense and now what are they going to think about you? We are 100% our own worst critic when it comes to this and it causes us to take the safe route and keep our thoughts and feelings to ourselves because, God forbid, we might offend someone. We spend so much time worrying about how others perceive us that we don’t realize how much we miss out on by staying quiet. The world needs to hear what you’ve got to say, even if they might not always agree.  Be open to sharing those opinions, thoughts, and feelings. You’ll be glad you did.

You Overly Criticize Yourself

You are constantly trying to see yourself from someone else’s point of view. How do they perceive you? Do they notice when you make a mistake or fall short of expectations? What do they think about your hair being a literal shit storm today and the fact that you didn’t have time to put on any makeup? Listen up: You will NEVER be satisfied by thinking this way. Nothing you do or say will ever be good enough and you will always fall short because of what you assume someone else is seeing. Quit being so hard on yourself. We often think people think about us more than they actually do. People are generally caught up in their own lives too much to notice any shortcomings you think you might have.

You Don’t Accept Feedback Well

You understand that feedback is good for you but you just can’t accept it. If someone criticizes you in any way, you immediately spiral into a pit of negativity and self-loathing, telling yourself that you’re just not good at anything. Even constructive criticism gets you down when all it’s meant to do is build you up and make you better. It’s important to understand that when someone offers feedback, they are usually not trying to uncover your flaws and make you feel bad about yourself. It’s simply brought up to help you move forward. Everyone needs a good butt-kicking once in awhile – try not to take it too seriously.

You Don’t Ask For Help 

You go out of your way to be helpful and useful to everyone else, yet you have a serious problem asking anyone else for assistance. You feel you may be judged for not being capable of handling things on your own or you don’t want to put anyone else out. You don’t want to be thought of as weak or dependent and end up hurting yourself in the long run.  No one will think any less of you for reaching out and asking for help. Think of it this way: Do you feel that way about others when they ask you for help? I’m going to assume your answer is no. So, why do you stress about it? It’s okay to let another person do something for you once in awhile.

Moral of the story? If one or more of these signs point to you, quit holding the opinions of others in such high regard. Instead, start valuing yourself more – your wants, needs and time. You don’t need to fit in to feel like you’re someone.

Don’t lose that quirky, unique part of you worrying about what others think. Screw what they say. You do you.

Hugs and Good Vibes 🙂

~ Kristin ✨

5 Ways to Rid Your Life of Negative B.S.

Negativity turns what could be a beautiful, happy life into a real suckfest if you allow it.

We all know that person who finds a problem with every solution and finds it nearly impossible to say anything positive or uplifting. They’re not fun to be around. At all.

And we don’t want to turn into them either.

I can’t say it’s a shocker that so many people let negativity consume them. The world is full of drama and craziness and if you turn on the news for more than 20 seconds you’ll get a glimpse of it all right from the comfort of your own home. It’s a real buzzkill.

So how can you eliminate negativity from your life and ensure that you don’t turn into the guy moping around, making it his life’s mission to make you as miserable as he is? Is it even possible in a world that is so nuts?

Most definitely – you just have to change the way your frame certain things and you’ll be able to stop the patterns that have controlled how you think and feel up to this point.

These are just a few of my favorite tips to ensure that I don’t have to deal with the Negative B.S. in my own life.

Enjoy 🙂

1. Quit Taking Everything So Personally. You’ve heard the saying, “Not my circus, not my monkeys” right? I frequently try to say this about my own children…and then, eventually, I have to own up to the fact that they are, indeed, mine 😉  It’s so easy to let what other people say affect our mood and our mindset. We allow others to determine our self-worth and we end up with an extremely negative opinion about ourselves. Quit giving other people that power over you! The things that people say about you is not your business. In fact, it says way more about them than it does you.

2. Be yourself.  Be magical. Be unique. Be you in the only ways that YOU can. Look back on your childhood. Remember what it felt like to be that free, not a care in the world. Who were you before world stepped in and told you otherwise? What did you enjoy doing? What dreams did you have? There is nothing more freeing than to be unapologetically yourself in every sense of the word. Conforming to what other people want us to be will only cause us to feel unattached to our true self. This leads to unhappiness and confusion about where we really fit in and our lives become a feeding ground for negativity.

3. Embrace the imperfections. Life will never be perfect, plain and simple. We get so caught up in comparing everyone else’s highlight reel on TV or social media to our own hot mess of a life and feel like we will never measure up. We begin to feel like we suck shit at life and everyone else is living the dream. Enter Negativity. The fact is, everyone has struggles and although it may look like a perfect life from the outside, looks can be very deceiving. Quit comparing yourself to everyone else and embrace the quirky imperfections that make up this journey you’re on. Even with all its imperfections, life can be beautiful and amazing.

4. Live with a grateful heart.  Wake up every day simply being thankful for life. You get another day to make a difference. Another day to share your creative gifts with the world. It matters and you should be grateful for it. When you focus on the things you are grateful for, it’s so much easier to eliminate any negativity from entering your life. Keep a gratitude journal – any time you feel those pesky negative thoughts creep in, read aloud all the things that you are thankful for in your life.

5. Let Go. Let go of the past along with all of your mistakes and failures. We all have those cringe-worthy, not so proud moments in our lives. If you don’t let them go, they will easily eat away at your self-esteem, causing you to see yourself and life in a negative way.  The important thing is to look at these little missteps as a lesson to be learned rather than the end all, be all. Failure is not the end of the line, but rather the beginning. Move forward with the mindset that with each step of the way, you are learning as you go.

I’ve eliminated so much negativity from my life by just getting clear on how I was allowing it to creep into my life.

Please feel free to comment below or shoot me an email if any of this resonates with you – I hope a few of these tips help you on your path to a more positive and happy lifestyle 🙂

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Until next time,

Hugs and Good Vibes!

~ Kristin ✨

How to Love the Moody Bitch You Live With – Yourself

Ok girls, let’s face it : Sometimes we can be moody bitches and it ain’t a pretty sight.

There are days  when you wake up and just feel off, am I right? Within 10 minutes you’ve already determined this is going to be a shit of a day.

I get it.

On days like this, we allow everything and everyone to get under our skin and we aren’t a real joy to encounter. (Say it ain’t so)

When it gets to the point where we become irritated with the way our husband chews his food or breathes, it’s a good idea to start looking inward and see what’s going on (yikes) 

A majority of the time, we find that much of our crankiness stems from the fact that we try to be everything for everyone and we leave very little leftover for ourselves. In my experience as a wife and mom of a crazy crew, I can say 99.9% of the time, this is the case.

As a woman, we hold so many titles: Wife, mom, butt wiper, boo boo kisser, chef, nurse, maid, craft mom, room mom, people pleaser, over thinker, pushover, maker of time for everyone but yourself.

We have a real hard time listening to that inner voice that says, “Hey! Listen up ~ it’s been awhile and you haven’t done anything for “YOU” lately. The people at the liquor store know you on a first name basis  and the kids have already picked out their future therapist. THE TIME IS NOW.”

You have to make yourself a priority.

Yes, you love your husband and your kids. Yes, you enjoy being a helper and healer and listener and friend….but lemme tell ya, spending 100% of your time and energy on others will take a serious toll on you if you forget yourself in the process.  (Not to mention, your family does not/will not enjoy the cranky bitch you become because you fail to put yourself first once in awhile)

It’s no good. For anyone.

So, what’s a girl to do?

You could:

A) Tell your spouse to suck it up because he willingly married you and all of your imperfections including the grouch ass you can become. So there.

B) Allow your children to watch Flowers in the Attic or Mommy Dearest – then they will see what a really grouchy mom looks like.

C) Take responsibility by loving on your damn self and kick that moody bitch out.

Let’s just all agree that C is the best option, shall we? 🙂

First things first – You need a mindset shift. It’s important to know that you NEED and DESERVE to take a little me time and focus on YOU once in awhile. Quit thinking it’s selfish. Quit thinking everyone and everything is going to fall apart around you. I assure you it won’t happen.

It’s not going to matter that your household runs like a well oiled machine if the operator has a nervous breakdown, yes?

To help you out, I compiled a list of different ways you can focus on yourself – mind, body and soul – and give your inner bitch some love 🙂

  1. Buy yourself some flowers. I’m not a real flower girl myself but there is something to be said of these pretties brightening the mood and putting some color in your day.
  2. Throw on some tunes and have a dance party in your kitchen (if the kids are home, make them join in and show them your rockin’ moves)
  3. Take 30 minutes at day to read or listen to an audio book. This is a perfect end to your day instead of watching TV or surfing the net. I’m creating a list of my 2018 Must Reads – if you want some ideas, shoot me a comment below!
  4. Make yourself a healthy smoothie – there are tons of yummy recipes on Pinterest.
  5. Go outside! Enjoy nature and the beauty of the world around you. If it’s cold, just bundle up ~ there is nothing better than fresh air…even if it happens to be a little chilly.
  6.  Take a long peaceful drive. Or blast the music. Whichever you prefer.
  7. Meditate – try the headspace app to get you started.
  8. Get a massage.
  9. Get a pedicure – your feet need some lovin’ too.
  10. Start an herb garden – growing something from scratch is kinda medicinal for the soul, ya know?
  11. Slap on a face mask – kinda makes ya feel all spa like – plus, you might scare the kids enough to where they leave you alone for awhile ~ bonus! 🙂
  12. Try a yoga class – if you’re uncomfortable taking a class, try it at home.
  13. Buy a new bra cuz…why not? When you feel sexy, you feel good – ya feel me?
  14. Listen to a podcast on a subject that interests you. I love the true crime and inspirational ones myself.
  15. Try a new recipe.
  16. Start a journal – writing and creativity is good for the soul.
  17. Create a vision board and hang it up on your wall or fridge where you can see it daily. (or you can do a digital one on Pinterest too)
  18. Say no. End of story.
  19. Write yourself a love note and include everything about you that is simply amazeballs.
  20. Pet a dog.
  21. Hug a human – preferably someone you know but hey, whatever makes you happy.
  22. Bake some cookies or buy some flowers for someone you know and deliver them in secret. Secret Santa stuff doesn’t just have to be reserved for the month of Christmas. Can I get an amen? #kindnessrulesanytime
  23. Start a budget and pay off a few nagging bills – loving on yourself includes taking care of your financial state.
  24. Set some new goals for yourself  – focus on what you truly want for the future.
  25. Go to a park or other scenic place and take some pictures #photographyismyobsession
  26. Forgive someone that has done you wrong.
  27. Forgive yourself for past mistakes
  28. Take a road trip somewhere new – get lost and explore. Don’t forget pictures! 🙂
  29. Change up your atmosphere – paint a wall, buy a new throw pillow, hang some string lights, or new artwork. If you’re on a budget, just moving furniture around can make a world of difference.
  30. Call a friend that you haven’t talked to in a while and have lunch.
  31. Schedule a day (or at least a few hours) where you do nothing but binge watch a few of your favorite episodes on Netflix.
  32. Create a new workout routine.
  33. Create a meal plan for the coming week and stick in a few healthy recipes – feed your bod some fresh veggies 🙂
  34. Simplify and declutter areas of your house that need attention – donate or throw the shit away that you don’t want. (I can’t even describe how awesome it makes me feel to throw crap away – I’m a little obsessed) 
  35. Bubble bath and a glass of wine – need I say more?

If none of these ideas inspire you, create one of your own – look back at times when you were super happy. What were you doing? What were you wearing? What was your atmosphere like? You gotta do this for you sister cause no one else will.

Moral of the story:

Quit making excuses and start making yourself a priority. Then tell that inner moody bitch to take her suckfest somewhere else 🙂 #shegotstogo

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I love connecting with other moms that are a hot mess, work in progress just like me ~ let’s see what else we have in common 🙂

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“Loving yourself isn’t vanity, it’s sanity”  – Andre Gide

 

Mom Guilt : The Struggle is Real

Momlife.

It’s messy and imperfect and downright depressing sometimes.

Today was one of those days.

I lost my shit. All of it.

I’m not proud of that but I still own it.

In my defense, these four year olds are relentless. I remember only a year ago dreaming of the day when my twin boys would turn 4 and all the temper tantrums and meltdowns and days of not listening would just drift away as if they were never here. (Cue hysterical laughter)

You’re almost required to laugh at that bullshit. Who the hell was I kidding?

In fact, since they turned four, I’m almost positive there have been more meltdowns due to their insisted independence. Now that they’ve been on this earth for four years, they are ready to share their broad level of experience. And I’m the lucky one who gets to listen.

Someone told me this beautiful stage of life is called the “Little F-er Fours” and I don’t doubt it one bit.

So…to sum it up: Shit lost. Kids Upset. Mom guilt ensues.

Mom Guilt. Something you experience from the moment you bring those little beings home until long after they move out.

Before kids, it’s so easy to think about what an awesome mom you’re going to be and imagine a perfect little life with your mini-me(s).

Then once you actually have said mini’s in residence, all hell breaks loose and you wonder why you are such a screw up and why did you think you could do this and for the love of God, when I am I gonna figure this mom thing out??

Never. There was no manual provided and for that reason, we are all winging this thing called momhood.

From day one, we dwell on all the things we’re doing wrong, second guess every single decision we make and usually end up chastising ourselves for not making the right one.

It’s a never-ending cycle.

We feel guilty for bottle feeding.

We feel guilty for screwing up their feeding schedule (like I was sure I did on the first night we brought them home)

We feel guilty when they cry and we can’t calm them down.

We feel guilty for going back to work.

We feel guilty for sending them to daycare.

We feel guilty that they might not be getting the interaction they need with other kids if we stay at home with them.

We feel guilty for not being able to potty train them as quick as we thought.

We feel guilty that they don’t know their ABC’s according to when Google or the mom down the street said they should.

We feel guilty for sending them to Pre-school because they aren’t with us every second of the day even though, oh my God, those 2 1/2 hours, 3 days a week are wonderful.

We feel guilty for thinking those 2 1/2 hours, 3 days a week are wonderful.

We feel guilty for not getting enough housework done on the days that they go to school cuz Netflix.

We feel guilty for feeding them lunchables or McDonalds drive-thru on days when healthy lunches just aren’t in the cards.

We feel guilty because they seem to have grown overnight and their pants are now looking more like capris.

We feel guilty for not brushing their teeth enough.

We feel guilty for missing a doctors appointment.

We feel guilty for not dressing them warm enough in the winter.

We feel guilty that, for some reason, they don’t ever want to wear pants. (#mylife #boys)

We feel guilty if they don’t take a bath for one or two nights in a row.

We feel guilty if we forget to send them with lunch money or something for show and tell and God forbid we forget to bring a snack on our specified snack day.

We feel guilty for missing “Red” day at school.

We feel guilty for wanting time for ourselves.

We feel guilty for actually taking time for ourselves.

This endless suck cycle continues well past the age of 18. My oldest daughter will be 20 next month and is already moved out…..mom guilt still applies when I forget to call her or send her a goodnight text. Still.

With a constant barrage of guilt ridden thoughts, we moms need little reminders once in awhile that we are doing the best we can, even on those days that we feel less than worthy of the mom title.

Today was one of those days for me. There were numerous time outs, tears, and meltdowns and I let it get the best of me. I was impatient and grouchy and I didn’t handle things the way that I should have.

However, if I’ve learned anything over the last 20 years, it’s that being a mom is like anything else in life – you put one foot in front of the other and you take it a day at a time. You screw up, you have a bad day and life goes on. You live. You learn. You start all over again the next day. Thank God for that.

You’re only human and you’re bound make mistakes – Stop being so hard on yourself.

The next time you feel guilty about something you did, didn’t do, said or didn’t say, remember this:

No matter how many guilt ridden, tantrum filled, impatient, grouchy, awful, tear-filled days you experience throughout your lifelong career as a mom, those kids of yours are going to be fine.

Why?

Because they have a perfectly imperfect momma who loves them with every beat of her heart and that love outshines every single one of those bad days.

Let’s face it: From the moment our child is born, we are placed into what is, quite possibly, the hardest job on the planet.

We are given this job because we are BADASS enough to do it – remember that on the days when you need it most.

I LOVE connecting with other badass mama’s whose lives are one chaotic, work in progress just like mine ~ Feel free to sign up for my newsletter to get a weekly dose of the crazy chaos that is my life and see how much we have in common 🙂

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Keep your head up mama ~ You’re doing a great job 😉