At first I felt like I should title this post, Memoirs of a Happy Wife but I felt like that was a little too cheeseball, even for me 🙂 I lay awake at night thinking of this shit.
Anywho…10 years ago, if anyone had of told me I would feel like writing a blog post on how to have a happy relationship, I would have laughed. Hysterically.
Most of my adult life was spent trying to become a professional asshole-whisperer. If there was a shit relationship to be found, I found it. Mama’s boys, grown men who still lived in their mom’s basement, alcoholics, adrenaline junkies, emotional and mental abusers….you name it. I guess I felt it was my calling to help the less fortunate with their issues….and instead gave myself years of anxiety, low self-esteem and the feeling that I would literally NEVER figure this relationship thing out.
Luckily, 9 years ago, I met a guy who changed all that.
I’m not gonna lie and say it was love at first sight, although he might tell ya different because he thinks I was smitten from the get go. (His over confidence is one of the things I love about him lol 🙂
No, it was more of a comfortable, it seems like I’ve known this person forever and I feel safe and un-judged, kinda thing. Ya know?
Like a best friend from the start, but with feelings 🙂
We both had a past that wasn’t so squeaky clean – bad decisions, failed relationships, self-esteem issues (although he would NEVER admit it lol)…..the works.
It was because of this that I think we could relate to each other so well and over time, we’ve been able to form an unbreakable bond that makes me SO damn grateful for this guy every single day.
Since being together, we’ve kind of grown up and gotten our shit together at the same time, if that makes any sense.
Enough of a backstory…let’s jet on into the present 🙂
Over the weekend we had the chance to celebrate the 40th Anniversary for a couple of our family members and we had so much fun. These two people, you can just see their connection – that goofy, best friend, ride or die awesomeness that so many people dream of.
In today’s world, it’s rare to see a couple stay together for so long and it broaches the question, “How???”
It’s something that I’ve pondered for a long time and it really is quite simple when it comes right down to it.
Let’s dig in, shall we? 🙂
Make Having Fun a Priority
You need to have fun and be goofy and silly and laugh until your belly hurts over the stupidest thing your partner just said. You need to go on a spontaneous road trip or have a nerf gun war when he’s least expecting it (been there, done that – I won lol). Play board games or video games together. Make time for date nights and hand holding and a good smack on the ass every so often. One of the things I adore about my husband is that he is usually up for anything. For a spontaneous, “always thinking of the next thing we can do” person like me? It’s a match made in heaven 🙂 One thing to note: It’s not all about spending money. You don’t want to break the budget even for something as important as this. The good news is, you don’t have to! Check out this list I created of Low or No Cost Date Ideas 🙂 Anyone that says they don’t have time for this because of work, kids, whatever – you NEED to make time. I have 4 kids. I am 100% all for spending time together as a family – it’s uber important. Do not, however, spend so much of your time and energy on your kids that you have nothing left for your spouse/partner. This is a big no-no because they are the ones who are gonna be there when your kids are long gone. Cherish that relationship and quit taking life so
seriously. None of us get out alive – make it FUN on a daily basis 🙂
Keep It Real
One of my favorite quotes is, “When you find someone who tells you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear…Keep that.” I truly believe that, in a relationship, you need a partner who is going to push you to become the best version of yourself, even if it stings a little from time to time. It took me a while to get used to my husband’s blunt, tell it like it is personality but over time, I’ve seen how he’s helped me grow from a broken, fragile mess into someone that knows who she is, what she wants, and isn’t terrified to go get it. It’s so powerful. In the same way, I believe I’ve built him up over the years enough to work through some of his past issues and bring more positivity and just plain goofy fun to his life 🙂 (I know he loves me for that hahaha #snapchatfilters – ‘nough said 😀) Moral of the story: Build your partner up. See their potential and guide them to be a better person simply because you know they can. Believe in them, even if they don’t at the moment. Finding someone like that….it’s unique, it’s rare, it’s wonderful and it’s SO worth the wait 🙂
Giving each other time apart is just as important as spending quality time WITH each other. Each of you have your own interests and hobbies (or at least you should) as long as it doesn’t include frequenting a bar every night or some other unhealthy activity. Respect your partner enough to have some alone time once in awhile without sending them a constant barrage of phone calls and texts asking when they’re gonna be home. That’s called nagging and it’s ridiculous. Stop it. Your partner should be okay with you doing the same. My husband loves to go fishing – it’s seriously his number one hobby and if he could be out on the water from sun up to sun down, he totally would lol. Seeing how much he loves it, it’s never been an issue with me and as soon as the weather starts warming up, I pretty much tell him to go fishing anytime he wants. He does the same for me (although I don’t choose fishing as my go to hobby haha). You both need and deserve that time away – enjoy it!
Realize that you are part of a team from the beginning. Everything you do from washing the dishes, playing with the kids, going to your day job, cooking dinner, doing laundry….every single bit of it is teamwork. There should be no competition when you’re on the same team. Don’t keep a scorecard of things that you’ve done and hold it against your significant other if they aren’t keeping up (Unless, of course, they NEVER attempt to help with anything and expect you to do it all….that’s pure laziness and it’s a problem that needs to be discussed between the two of you). This relationship you’re in…it takes two. Working together towards a common goal will only strengthen your relationship and create even more of a bond over time.
Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff
Let’s face it: Couples argue about stupid, silly shit – all the time. Maybe it’s the way he loads the dishwasher or how she leaves her clothes all over the floor but it brings on a barrage of bickering that will sometimes lead into full blown arguments. The daily stress of life can often weigh heavily on couples who work full time, have kids and still have all the daily duties that go into running a household. This division of labor can be quite the hurdle if someone feels like they are doing more than their fair share of the “chores.” It all goes back to Teamwork, which I mentioned above. You’re working together towards a common goal – there is no scoreboard, therefore there shouldn’t be a scorekeeper. You started this journey together for a reason – don’t let the daily stress of life ruin a good thing and for real….don’t sweat it 🙂
Show Daily Physical Affection
To me, this doesn’t mean you have to be all over each other all the time or have sex every single day (although hey, if that works for you, more power to ya 😇). It can be as simple as a long hug, a kiss in the morning or at night, a back rub or putting an arm around each other. Hold hands while you’re sitting on the couch watching TV. Little things like this have been known to reduce stress, boost your mood and cause you to feel a higher sense of satisfaction in your relationship. With that being said, it’s also important that you make time for sex as well – seriously. I don’t care how long you’ve been together – make it a PRIORITY. If you feel like it’s become monotonous over time, spice it up a little bit. Take responsibility to not let that spark fizzle out because once it does, it’s super hard to get it back.
So – there you have it. That’s my take on a few things that I think contribute to a healthy, happy, fun and hot relationship. I’ve learned so many things over the last 9 years with this goofball that I claim as my husband and I look forward to many more to come 🙂
Some Last Thoughts –
Let go of the seriousness once in a while and be playful with each other. Be silly. Be weird.
Relationships don’t have to be so darn complicated.
Remember, if all else fails, look back on the reason you fell in love in the first place. We all grow, we all change but that same person is still in there – it might just take a little work to find them 🙂
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Here’s to happy relationships and a lifetime of fun 🙂
Until next time, sending you much love, many hugs and good vibes!
~ Kristin ✨