On today’s agenda: Make it a point to fit in and be liked by everyone I come in contact with, even if it means giving up a part of myself in the process. Should someone not accept me, I will crawl into a hole of despair and make a list of the reasons why I’m so worthless.
Maybe that’s exaggerating just a bit – however, if you’ve ever struggled with constant worry about what someone else thinks, it’s kinda sorta the process you go through every single day.
You can’t possibly be true to yourself if you’re so pre-occupied with what other people think. It’s not a good situation to find yourself in and yet, SO many people do.
If you can relate to any of this, you just might be one of those people.
Here’s a list of the most common signs that you may hold the opinions of other’s way too dear to your heart 🙂
You Want to Be Liked by Everyone
You want others to like and accept you so badly that you sometimes stray far away from who you truly are just to fit in. By doing this, you’re not living an authentic, genuine life and, in turn, end up feeling lonely and miserable anyway. By attempting to do and be what everyone else wants, you are cheating yourself from what YOU really want. Quit worrying so much about fitting in. If someone doesn’t like you that’s their problem and their loss. Not yours. Not everyone is going to like you. The good news? That has nothing to do with you. Once you get clear on who you are and feel comfortable just being you, the people that are meant to be in your circle (those ones that really matter) will eventually gravitate towards you.
You Find It Impossible to say No.
No is a word that is rarely in your vocabulary. You feel almost obligated to help someone anytime they ask for a favor, no matter how it affects your schedule or other aspect of your life. You don’t want to let them down or hurt their feelings for fear that they will be mad at you or worse – maybe they won’t like you anymore (Say it ain’t so!). You tend to put everyone else first and place your own needs on the back burner. This is something I still struggle with from time to time although it does get much easier with time and practice. It’s hard to say no but it’s much harder knowing your life will never be your own if you don’t occasionally assert yourself and set some healthy boundaries.
You Worry About What You Say
You constantly overanalyze and worry about what you say to others. Maybe you said something in the wrong tone or somebody thought you were being rude or you said something that didn’t quite make sense and now what are they going to think about you? We are 100% our own worst critic when it comes to this and it causes us to take the safe route and keep our thoughts and feelings to ourselves because, God forbid, we might offend someone. We spend so much time worrying about how others perceive us that we don’t realize how much we miss out on by staying quiet. The world needs to hear what you’ve got to say, even if they might not always agree. Be open to sharing those opinions, thoughts, and feelings. You’ll be glad you did.
You Overly Criticize Yourself
You are constantly trying to see yourself from someone else’s point of view. How do they perceive you? Do they notice when you make a mistake or fall short of expectations? What do they think about your hair being a literal shit storm today and the fact that you didn’t have time to put on any makeup? Listen up: You will NEVER be satisfied by thinking this way. Nothing you do or say will ever be good enough and you will always fall short because of what you assume someone else is seeing. Quit being so hard on yourself. We often think people think about us more than they actually do. People are generally caught up in their own lives too much to notice any shortcomings you think you might have.
You Don’t Accept Feedback Well
You understand that feedback is good for you but you just can’t accept it. If someone criticizes you in any way, you immediately spiral into a pit of negativity and self-loathing, telling yourself that you’re just not good at anything. Even constructive criticism gets you down when all it’s meant to do is build you up and make you better. It’s important to understand that when someone offers feedback, they are usually not trying to uncover your flaws and make you feel bad about yourself. It’s simply brought up to help you move forward. Everyone needs a good butt-kicking once in awhile – try not to take it too seriously.
You Don’t Ask For Help
You go out of your way to be helpful and useful to everyone else, yet you have a serious problem asking anyone else for assistance. You feel you may be judged for not being capable of handling things on your own or you don’t want to put anyone else out. You don’t want to be thought of as weak or dependent and end up hurting yourself in the long run. No one will think any less of you for reaching out and asking for help. Think of it this way: Do you feel that way about others when they ask you for help? I’m going to assume your answer is no. So, why do you stress about it? It’s okay to let another person do something for you once in awhile.
Moral of the story? If one or more of these signs point to you, quit holding the opinions of others in such high regard. Instead, start valuing yourself more – your wants, needs and time. You don’t need to fit in to feel like you’re someone.
Don’t lose that quirky, unique part of you worrying about what others think. Screw what they say. You do you.
Hugs and Good Vibes 🙂
~ Kristin ✨
Ruth Bowers says
I love this article, althought I find the thought that you’ve been peering over my shoulder a little disconcerting. I can identify with just about everything on this list. The wanting everyone to like me, to the point of totally changing myself for them has been an issue my whole life. I’m working on changing that and embracing my own inner (and outer) weirdness, but it’s definitely a work in progress.
Yes! It’s a daily work in progress! We have to make the choice every day to be true to ourselves – in my opinion, it’s one of the hardest things to do and one that I’ve struggled with as long as I can remember. I’m so glad you’re making changes and embracing who you are – that’s SO very important! I appreciate your comment!
Snehal Joshi says
I am very sure, every one of us goes through every bit of it. 🙂 Nice post.
Thank you!! 🙂
Amy Lakenburger says
Great read! This seems to be a painful reflection of my life. I will say that I’ve been working hard to be my authentic self, or rather, try to figure out what my authentic self even is since it seems to be buried under layers of other people’s thoughts/ideas of how life should be. I’ve also challenged myself to say no without feel guilty for things that are not in line with what works best for me or my life. Thanks for writing great articles to help me on this journey. 😃
Thanks Amy! I’m right there with ya – so glad you found it helpful! I’ve struggled with this for so long and it’s very much a daily choice not to get weighed down with what other people think or what they want for your life. The thing to always remember is, it’s YOUR journey, not theirs and the more you concern yourself with what they say, there are precious seconds of your life being wasted….something that has taken me a long while to come to terms with haha. I think we’re on a very similar path 🙂 I appreciate you reading it and thanks for your comment!